Sunday, December 30, 2007

Fart Humor

I got a call at work a few weeks ago from my husband. He was laughing his butt off. It turns out that our then 12 month old daughter had learned fart humor... on her own! After naptime, she was sitting on daddy's belly while they lazed about in the bed. She farted. Looked at Daddy and started laughing. As if that wasn't cute enough, after a minute or two, she started straining and turning red. Toot! Out comes another fart. And she starts laughing AGAIN! For the next few minutes she tried very hard to eek out a few more farts and laugh as hard as she could.

Who knew a 1 year old would appreciate fart humor so much?

Friday, December 21, 2007

wrapping Christmas presents with a toddler

  1. Gather what presents you can find. Nevermind the ones whose hiding places are forgotten. They'll still be giood next year...
  2. Find a pair of scissors sharp enough to cut paper, find tape, and dig out wrapping paper.
  3. Select a gift to wrap.
  4. Remind the toddler to stop hitting herself in the head with the roll of wrapping paper.
  5. Place gift on paper.
  6. Retrieve scissors from toddler.
  7. Cut paper to size.
  8. Unwrap toddler from the tape cocoon she is now in.
  9. Tape up gift.
  10. Retrieve scissors from toddler.
  11. Remove toddler from the middle of the sheet of wrapping paper.
  12. Place another gift on the paper.
  13. Retrieve scissors from toddler.
  14. Cut paper.
  15. Peel tape off the toddler's forehead.
  16. Tape first edge of box.
  17. Pry toddler's hands off gift.
  18. Ignore the temper tantrum.
  19. Remind toddler that she will be able to open the gift in just three more days.
  20. Peel tape off toddler's chest.
  21. Tape up gift.
  22. Look for gift tags under the cushions of the couch, under the couch, in the bags. Find gift tags taped to toddler's belly.
  23. Put tags on gifts.
  24. Look for marker to write on gift tags. Find marker in toddler's hands. Go get the wet wipes, soap, washcloth, etc. Clean toddler.
  25. Write names on gifts... if you can remember what was in each package!
  26. Admire your handiwork for 3 seconds and lament that they're not nearly so nice as they used to be when you didn't have help in wrapping!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

A Typical Wednesday Night

The baby's asleep--FINALLY.

The dishes are half-done-- there's always a few that don't get done, aren't there? I mean, there are the two that need to soak before they can really be washed, there are the three or four that you didn't see hiding in the living room, and of course the four that you've been avoiding like the plague. Really, why would I be avoiding washing out an old sippy cup and a box of brand new Gladware containers? Who knows, but I have been putting them off!

The laundry that I started yesterday is once again going around in the washer because it didn't make it into the drier.

The diapers, that I SHOULD be washing right now are waiting in their pail liner on top of the drier. Normally, I'd start these as soon as I got home, so that I can get through the two washes and a double rinse before the baby is asleep, but if I've learned one thing in the past year it's that nothing goes according to schedule when the baby is awake. NOTHING.

Dinner is in the oven! Hooray! That's one thing I did right... er, I mean, one thing that I managed to get right the SECOND time! I was planning on taking last night's leftovers (failed meatloaf, zone diet style) and turn it into pasties, but that's a little hard to do when I left my half of the leftovers in my lunch box at work! ARGH!

I should be upstairs working on a doll for a client. I'm only an hour away from finishing the $350 project that is funding our Christmas spirit this year, but I'm just not in the frame of mind to do it yet. I probably will feel more up to it once I've eaten and recovered from an evening with my lovely child.

I am also contemplating the fact that our trash did not make it to the curb this morning. I have mixed feelings about this one. The trash made it out last week and I've only put one bag into the can outside since then... the cans that I accidentally ripped the wheels off of while taking the trash to the curb last week. Seriously, I did not realize that they came off when I kicked the cans loose from the three inches of ice that had built up between them and the curb! I couldn't figure out why they weren't standing upright. I thought they were distorted from being frozen and "gee, isn't it great that we've had 21" of snow this month? They'll stay upright if I put them in the snowbank at the curb."

Oh, the Silk Nog I've been drinking while typing has finally hit. Ohhh..... I feel so much better. I can take on the world! Maybe it's more important to realize that I can take on the rest of my evening. Dinner, doll, dishes (again), and litter boxes. Yay for overdue litter boxes!